Chuck Locklear
fascinating characters, impactful books and messages
Relationship Advice
People struggle with relationships. I’m often asked this question: “How do I better understand and work with a difficult relationship?”
The issue is not “right or wrong,” but “getting along.”
Choose Your Battles Wisely
You can learn a lot from a relationship with a difficult person: bosses, ex-wives, adult children. One important lesson is choose your battles wisely. There are two questions to consider before engaging in any conflict. First, what am I going to gain?
Before the Israelites crossed into the “Promised Land,” Moses set before them a choice, “to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him” or not (Deuteronomy 30:16, NIV). One path would lead to life and prosperity and the other destruction and death. In this choice, there was a lot to gain.
When my children were young, Lizzy and I brought them to church regularly. I was a leader in the children’s ministry. I led the youth group. We made it our family’s priority. We brought the neighbor kids to church too. Also, we picked up my niece and nephew and took them to church. This action resulted in the salvation of my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. At one point, my niece said to my brother-in-law, “Dad, you don’t stand a chance. We are all praying for you. You might as well start coming to church.” And, he did.
Now, I am so glad we made the house of God our priority. I’m glad we did what was righteous in the sight of God. When the issues is life and death, the battle is worth choosing.
Most issues, however, are just don’t rise to this level, which brings me to the second question. What am I going to lose? In relationships, the issue is not “right or wrong,” but “getting along.”
Be a Peacemaker
My wife is a peacemaker. She does not like conflicts and will go out of her way to keep the peace. Me on the other hand, I like logic and order. I want to convince others of the truth of my reasoning. Sometimes, I will make my point with a sledge hammer.
The other day, Lizzy and I were using the “Maps” app to determine the best route for driving to my son’s office. She kept clicking the map see the details of the alternate routes. My voice got loud as I said, “Stop, clicking! I want to see the difference.” Of course, logically, I knew that the only important difference in the routes is the time difference shown on the overview screen.
Luckily, I stopped myself. Saving a few minutes is not much to gain when compared to what could have been lost if I continued the argument. Being righteous is much better than being right. If you are a person, like me, that has to be right, this may be a difficult, but important lesson to learn.
Relationship in the KJB
You won’t find the word relationships in the King James Bible and only a few times in the NIV, but we have a sure model for a God-like relationship. Let this be our prayer today, “Lord, let us have the mindset that you modeled for us!”
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.”
Matthew 5:9
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see How to be Happy.
Passion
How is making tacos God’s work? God is pleased when we service others, which ignites passion deep within our hearts.
Everyone who knows me knows my favorite fast-food restaurant. Bonnie, who works there, makes tacos, serves tacos, and, when I pull up to the window, she says, “I already know what you want. Just pull up.”
A New Position
In the early church, we learn that the number of disciples was increasing, causing the Hellenistic Jews to complain that their widows were being overlooked in the daily food distribution in favor of the Hebraic Jews. (Notice that the church was only serving Jews at this point in time.) This conflict resulted in the creation of a new position in the church: deacon (Acts 6: 2-3).
The new position was a service position. Philip, chosen to be one of the first deacons, started his vocation as a server.
So, what is vocation? Vocation is most commonly named as a job, profession, or career. However, I like author Frederick Buechner’s beautiful definition of vocation: “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
Vocation
The example of Philip illustrates this collision of great hunger and deep gladness. Philip’s commission was to be a deacon or server, like serving tacos. I can imagine that Philip brought gladness to his job, knowing that it was an important one.
Vocation describes not only the work we do, but also what we feel most passionate about.. Sometimes, vocation may come to us as we are called to do the unexpected. Circumstance may lead us to recognize great hunger in our world or a well-spring of our own deep gladness. Where these two forces meet, we find the greatest passion.
Passion at Work
It is easy for us to praise our heroes, but we ought also to recognize the work of the librarian, teacher, social worker, town planner, minister, nurse, doctor, business person, as well as in the farm worker who picks our food, the trucker who brings it to our town, and the server who makes and brings us our food.
We are all called to service as the body of Christ inside and outside the four walls of the church building. Ask yourself these four vocational questions:
- Is this the place I belong? (Then affirm it.)
- Who has my heart? (Our call must be ordered by God.)
- What can I offer? (Do you have a surprising gift to offer?)
- What do I want to do? (God will put joy in your heart for what he wants you to do.)
If you cannot answer these questions with deep gladness, then, I challenge you to begin a new journey. Pray and ask God for the answers. They may require you to do some exploration, get some training, or take a risk. Ask that God shows you the first step and gives you the courage to take it. I know that God will answer. He did in my life. Today, I pray for passion as you prepare to meet the world’s deepest hunger.
“Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”
Mark 9:35
Copyright 2019 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Joy and Gratitude.
Ruby Bridges
A very significant memory that I have was meeting Ruby Bridges. Chuck and I had intended to go to the Civil Rights Museum in Memphis, Tennessee. It is located on the site of the Lorraine Motel, where Martin Luther King, Jr. was shot and killed. However, when we got there, Ruby Bridges was signing picture books for children. I expected there to be a large crowd, but, at that time, there was not. So, I went up and was able to meet her. I know that my heart was beating rapidly.
Their Hearts Ached
She did not see herself as a hero. She was the first grader who was the first, in 1962, to integrate white schools. For those who don’t know the story, she wasn’t at all well received. All the other students left, until she had to be the only student in the classroom. Her teacher hung on, but there were massive protests and a lot of backlash for her family.
Her life left a big impact on mine and gave me really important lessons to teach throughout my career. It was during one of those lessons that I had a child of color make an amazing statement. All of the kids were sad and felt sympathy for poor Ruby Bridges. Their hearts ached for her. But, this is what the only African American child (that year) said, “I’m really glad there’s no one who is different like that in our class.” All the kids said “Yeah,” and shook their heads in agreement.
MLK Day
I usually read The Story of Ruby Bridges around Martin Luther King (MLK) Day. What impressed me most is that kindergarten and first graders didn’t really get the significance because they were a little too innocent to understand what racism can really mean. So, it was always more enlightening to me than to them during those lessons. Because I taught in a predominantly white school, I often had students of color who recognized for the first time that someone in their class was similar in skin tone to them. They would meet this realization with great surprise and hug each other. The rest of the class would clap.
I wish that we could just find that kind of innocence as adults. Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). Spending so many years with kindergarten and first graders really allowed me to understand this scripture.
There were also funny times, because the fact that his last name was King meant something more literal to my young students. They thought he must have been a king, and, in some ways, he was. He was chosen, but they thought he was a king with a throne. One of the first graders remembered hearing about this king. One day his mom told him he died on the throne and his real name was Elvis Presley.
Act Justly
Ruby Bridges was and is an extremely good person who made a big difference in our country. I have learned from my years of teaching that we cannot truly live the command in Micah 6:8 “To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly” with our God until we become as a little child. Whether we get to sit on a throne or not, if we live like children of the true King, our world will be a better place.
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Finding Wisdom & Brain Development.
Jesus Grew Up
“Jesus did grow up.” Perhaps the only important line in a very funny movie, Talladega Nights, it pokes fun at the spiritual immaturity of many Christians. They don’t get past “Sweet Baby Jesus” born in a stable and laying in a manger. Yes, Jesus did grow up and began his ministry with a radical message. . . a message that troubled the powerful, wealthy, and prominence people of his day. “Repent,” this message should trouble us today; if we let it.
Hypocrites
Jesus began his ministry with the words, “Repent for the Kingdom of God is at hand.” This is still true today. In Matthew 23, Jesus listed the sins from which the people should repent.
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices. . . But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy, and faithfulness. . . You blind guides! You strain at a gnat but swallow a camel.”
—Matthew 23: 23-24
I respect Jimmy Carter; he defiantly is not a hypocrite. I love that he taught Sunday school while President of the United States. He is a giant of human rights. Yet, I met him one time and he is not large in stature.
Human Rights Hero
When he was President, on April 25, 1979, a man named Georgi Vins was placed in a cattle car in Siberia, being exiled form home country. Four days later, Vins sat in a Sunday school class in Washington DC taught by President Carter.
Carter had agreed with Leonid Brezhnev, leader of the Soviet Union, to trade two convicted Soviet spies for the release of five human rights heroes. One of these heroes was the Baptist pastor, Georgi Vins, who insisted on proclaiming and living his faith in Jesus regardless of the consequences. When he left Russia, his head was shaven, he had a Bible in his hand, and a photograph of Jimmy Carter hidden in his shoe.
The words spoken by President Carter that Sunday morning in 1979 are just as relevant today:
“The highest goal that a government or societal structure can hope to achieve is justice…
The deprivation of justice is a serious matter. Those of us who don’t suffer much from it can observe it, if we are sensitive. Quite often we benefit from an injustice, because those with power, wealth, or social prominence are very likely to profit when an advantage is meted out to our peers who, in gaining some advantages from themselves, cause those same benefits to accrue to us.
And if we stand silent and reap the benefits of injustice, then we ourselves are equally culpable with those who initiate the injustice.”
—President Jimmy Carter
Equally Culpable
Equally culpable. . . meaning equally deserving of blame. The lesson is that injustice happens only with the complicity or, worse, acquiescence of people who benefit from the injustice or avoid responsibility by denying knowledge of it. After all, we can’t fix the world’s problems. However, as Christians, we are called to take responsible for our brothers and to love our neighbors, even standing up for those suffering in our community, in our nation, and even in our world.
When I was growing up, I learned an important lesson; don’t be so heavenly minded that you are no earthly good. We are here to do good! To show the good works of our heavenly father. Yes, the Gospel is about the hope of eternal life, but the truth is that the “Kingdom of God is at hand.” It is here.
Maybe we aren’t powerful, wealthy, or prominent, but let us open our hearts and be troubled by the spirit of God with a radical message. Since I am my brother’s keeper, and I am called to love my neighbor, I must learn about their troubles. I must pray for their troubles. But, it is not enough to learn about or even to pray for their troubles. We are called to act, to be our brother and neighbor’s voice when they have none. I must speak up, protest, and even to fight against injustice and tyranny when I see it. Jesus grew up; we must grow up too.
“… First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”
—Matthew 23:26
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Jesus Was a Radical.
Good Gifts
Who doesn’t like gifts? My sister loves giving and receiving gifts. Her birthday is just before Christmas. As a child, I remember how excited she was to use birthday money to buy Christmas gifts for others. Me on the other hand, I used my birthday money for myself. I had to learn to take joy in giving gifts to others.
“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
Matthew 7:11
In his book, The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Chapman explains that we all have a primary and secondary love language. His book is written for married couples, but its concepts can apply to all of our relationships. Leonard, my father-in-law, loved doing things for others. He would bring you a roasted chicken, cut your lawn, or put gas in your tank. Leonard missed, however, the fact that the primary love language of Carol, my mother-in-law, was gifts. He didn’t see the value in spending money on trivial things. So, he spend a lifetime miscommunicating his love for her.
I introduced the first two love languages in my post Love Tank, Baby. This post describes the next three.
Receiving Gifts
You may have guessed, this is not a primary or secondary love language for me. But, I do know many people for whom this is their primary love language. Yes, this is true for Carol. She loves and cherishes gifts. She has a shelf with a collection of knickknacks, each has a special meaning. You can languish attention on her by giving her a well thought out and meaningful gift. Sadly, Leonard didn’t get this. He was a very practical man. Gifts were not important to him and he saw them as a waste of money. I wish I could have convinced him just how practical gifts are. They can be an insurance policy on a happy marriage.
Acts of Service
Leonard’s primary love language was Acts of Service. He appreciated a meal made for him. Going grocery shopping can be an Act of Service. Going to work and providing an income can fall into this category. Cleaning the house and even scrubbing a toilet can be an Act of Service. Lol, this is where I draw the line. I think Lizzy inherited this love language from her dad. It makes her feel special when I do things for her. Even simple things, like bringing her a cup of coffee in the morning is an Act of Service.
Physical Touch
Physical touch is a tricky one. It includes, but is not limited to sexual touch. Holding hands, for example, can provide a loving bond that communicates “I love you.” Nonsexual physical touch can also be a powerful communicator during times of crisis and disappointments. A partner’s hug or touch can provide the strength to make it through a crisis. Touch communicates that you are the one for me. It reinforces the bond of love in a relationship.
Cherish One Another
Learning how to give good gifts is worthwhile. Yes, the word “gifts,” as used in Matthew 7:11, can mean knickknacks with special meaning, but also giving a hug or holding someone’s hand. We can take comfort in the fact that our Father in heaven loves us and knows the gift we need when we need it. If you want to cherish those you love, develop the skill of giving gifts that mean the most to them.
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Love Tank, Baby.
What Is Osmosis?
As the Queen of Science, Lizzy loved doing the “fake snow” experiment with students. It is a great way to learn what osmosis is: the process that causes a liquid (especially water) to pass through the wall of a living cell.
Fake snow is real.
There is a second definition of osmosis, the one that describes fake learning: an ability to learn and understand things gradually without much effort. I use the word fake, because, in my experience as an educator, there is no such thing as effortless learning. Learning requires effort. You can’t just sleep on a text book and wake up in the morning with all of the knowledge absorbed in your head.
Try This Experiment
Fake snow, on the other hand, is real. Teach it to your children and grandchildren. They will love learning hands-on about osmosis.
Fake snow or sodium polyacrylate (NaPA) powder can hold up to 500 times its weight in water. It’s amazing how much it can hold. It is environmentally friendly, non-toxic and safe. I did a quick Internet search and found enough to make three gallons for $11.
When sodium polyacrylate is exposed to water, there is more water outside the polymer than inside, so the water moves inside through osmosis.
Try it by putting a small amount of water in a dish and sprinkled some fake snow powder on top. In this physical reaction, the powder absorbs the water like a sponge.
Next, try erupting snow, by placing a teaspoon of fake snow into the cupped hands of your kid(s). Then, add two ounces of water and watch it erupt.
You can even demonstrate reverse osmosis by adding salt. Or, add food coloring to the water beforehand just for fun.
Practical Purposes
There are some practical purposes for sodium polyacrylate. It can be added to soil to help with water retention and it makes a great floral gel to keep flowers watered.
Yes, science can be fun! Perhaps, more importantly, this lesson teaches that learning does not come effortlessly. . . for anyone. You have to work at it. As a young man, Daniel of the Bible found himself in a difficult situation. Yet, he devoted himself to learning and keeping himself pure. His efforts were rewarded, as the king recognized the excellence within him.
Fake snow answers the question what is osmosis. However, you can also use osmosis to teach the importance of effort.
“Then this Daniel was preferred above the presidents and officials because an excellent spirit was in him, and the king thought to set him over the whole realm.”
Daniel 6:3, MEV
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Coffee Creamer Science.
How to Be Happy
Think about the happiest person you know. Were they also the wealthiest? When I think of happy people, I think of my own dad. He was probably the happiest and the most faithful person I have known. All you had to do was be around him and he would tell you. “Life is good. I wouldn’t change a thing.” But, he definitely was not the wealthiest person, and if you listened to him tell stories about his life, it was far from perfect. He lived through some very traumatic experiences. I think we can learn how to be happy.
Success Trap
According to author Shawn Achor, The Happiness Advantage, only 10% of our happiness is determined by circumstances or the world outside of our own thinking. Unfortunately, most Americans are caught in the “Success Trap.” We believe that success equals happiness. The more success we have, money, material wealth, status, the happier we will be. Stop and think about that a minute.
My dad loved to tell the story of the time his sister, Thelma, got into a car accident with his father’s Model A Ford. They put her in an ambulance headed to the nearest big city hospital, which was in Charlotte, NC, serval hours away. His brother, Louis, and sister, Anne, rode with her in the ambulance. His father, my grandfather, followed on a bus. After making sure she was settled into the hospital, they headed back home to the small town of Lumberton, NC. Louis and Anne rode back in the ambulance and my grandfather rode on the bus. On the way back, the ambulance got into an accident and another ambulance had to pick them up and take them back to the hospital. Ann and Thelma end up in the same room requiring major surgery.
A Tough Day
When my grandfather got back to Lumberton, he was met at the bus station with a telegram (there were no cell phones then) that said he needed to head back to the hospital in Charlotte; he now had two daughters in critical condition. Meanwhile, back on the farm, my father and his brother, Lawrence, were in charge of the harvest. But, an “electrical storm” hit and lightning struck killing their only two hogs. Lightning also spooked the mule my father was using to haul corn out of the field. The mule took off, driving the wagon into the corn crib, destroying the corn crib, and causing all of the just harvested corn to spill out onto the rain-soaked ground.
When my grandfather returned home late in the evening, he was met by my great grandfather who said, “Son, I got some bad news.” Of course, my grandfather was thinking is it possible for things to get worse. “Son, I know it seems bad, but I don’t want you to go off drinking. That’s not going to make anything better.” Now, I’m not a drinker, but your car is wrecked, you have three children in the hospital, two in serious condition, the town’s ambulance is destroyed, your hogs are dead, your wagon is wrecked, and the corn harvest is ruined; these circumstances might drive anyone to drinking. Now, that was a tough day.
So, let’s learn a lesson about how to be happy from my dad, a truly happy person. Make the choice to be happy.
“Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah.”
Psalm 68:19
Copyright © 2019 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Busyness.
Glory Revealed
Who gets the praise when we do good? The answer should be “God.” Let everything be done to the glory of our heavenly father, the one who spoke our world into existance.
“And as You speak, a hundred billion creatures catch Your breath, evolving in pursuit of what You said. If it all reveals Your nature, so will I.
I can see Your heart in everything You say, every painted sky, a canvas of Your grace. If creation still obeys You, so will I.”
So Will I by Hillsong United
Raising Good Kids
Let me brag for a moment. Lizzy and I raised three beautiful children… inside and out. I am most proud that they reflect the nature of God. They are good for the right reasons. They reveal the glory of God. It is quite a legacy.
They are kind when no one is looking. They seek justice because it is God’s purpose for their lives. Regardless of the circumstances, they are faithful. They are the sort of people you can trust to have your back. That is the nature of God. He desires to bless us… even though we don’t deserve.
When these three were babies and I could hold them in one hand, I was somewhat fearful of how they would turn out. I wasn’t the most mature young man. I wasn’t sure I could provide for them, and I really did not want them to turn out like me. Luckily, I was smart enough to trust the promise found in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” So, Lizzy and I took them to church. We had each of them dedicated to God, like Hanna did in the Bible. Then, thanks to the grace of God, we found teachers, pastors, and caregivers who helped us nurture the character of God in these young people.
If you are a parent, I need to share something scary. Your child will develop 85% of his or her brain development by age three. A three-year old child will grow one million neutron brain connections each… second. The most critical factor: stimulating interactions with caring adults. You need help! Start developing the village who will support you and your child or children today. It is never too late to start; today is a good day.
Do Good For God’s Glory
Okay, I’m done bragging.
All of us need to develop the habit of training our minds and hearts to do good works for God’s glory alone. When someone does praise us, we can use this as an opportunity to pass the praise to others and to God. It can be as simple as this, “Thank you. I appreciate your kindness. God is good!” The root of the matter is not trying to conceal our good works, but it is a heart issue at the core. If your heart wants praise, you will find a way to get it. If in your heart you are submitted to God, you will find a way to see every good deed that you accomplish as an opportunity to demonstrate the goodness of God. Let God reward you.
It is the virus of pride and deceit that most turns off the non-believers… in other words “hypocrisy.”
Reflect the Nature of God
People can tell if you are being kind as a show or to receive glory. We have to do good for the right reasons . . . because we want to reflect the nature of our Heavenly Father. “If it all reveals Your nature, so will I.“
“So that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”
Matthew 6:4, NIV
Also, see Finding Purpose.
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Mother’s Day is Coming
Are you ready? Are you a pastor? Do you know a pastor? Mother’s Day is coming! Don’t panic; use our Share Library. Each sermon purchased will save hours. This offer is the gift of time. Share this with a pastor you care about.
Most timely, we are having a sale on three sermons that will help you in the very near future. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are important to members of your congregation. Mark these holidays on your calendar, but don’t repeat the sermon you did last year. Take advantage of this offer and inspire yourself and those hearing your words.
If you know a pastor, purchase a sermon and send it to the pastor you know. It will save them hours. Yes, they will still need to pray and customize each sermon for their church. However, each sermon purchased will save them a half day’s work. You will be giving them the gift of time.
All sermons are in the Microsoft Word format and range from 20 to 30 minutes. These inspirational sermons are written by experienced pastors. Each sermon is Bible-based and sure to inspire any congregation into action.
Start with Mother’s Day. Or, visit our Share Library and purchase a sermon for as low as $4.00 and enrich a pastor’s life.
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
You can purchase the sermon, A Mother’s Day Prayer.
Easter Is Relevant
Easter is a time of celebration for Christians. I hope, like me, you are celebrating. So, why is Easter relevant today? Why do we still celebrate? Because, the message of Easter is that God loves us…you and me…all of us. But, the truth is that everyone is not celebrating today. Many have turned away from Jesus because of a bad experience with religious people. If this is you, let me remind you that Jesus had a bad experience with religious people; he was crucified by them. Today, I have some encouraging news. Let me start by introducing you to someone.
Noble Doss was a successful football player, both college and professional. In his college career, he dropped a pass in 1941 that cost his team, the Texas Longhorns, a trip to the Rose Bowl, and although he had made the “impossible catch” the year before and accomplished great things in his professional career… the one that he missed was something…he thought about with deep regret. In his words, “not a day goes by that I don’t think about that.”
Do you have a mistake or an embarrassment that you think of often? You may think you have no access to God, because you have disappointed him beyond repair. Today, we will have the opportunity to hand our embarrassments, failures, and regrets to God so we can start again with a clean slate.
Embracing the perfect forgiveness that is ours through Jesus can be a struggle and something people in our day and time have pushed to the back of their minds. However, when Jesus healed the paralytic man in Matthew 9, he didn’t simply heal him but gave him hope with these words, “Your sins are forgiven” (Matthew 9:1-8). Do you hope for your sins to be forgiven…or are you looking for something more temporary to be healed (e.g. legs that won’t walk)? If like me, your answer is “No, I don’t worry about the forgiveness of my sins,” we are going to look a little deeper. Is it possible that sin is at the root of our problems?
What have you done to overcome dwelling on past failures? One technique is to fill our minds with good things (Philippians 4:8). This happened just the other night. When a subject came up that reminded me of one of my past failures, I said, “Let’s change the subject.” Many of us fear we have “out sinned” God’s patience. “A person can only ask for forgiveness so many times,” we think. We feel, “We have cashed in too many mercy checks and sooner or later one is going to bounce.” The devil wants us to doubt God’s unconditional love for us. God’s love will outlast the mistakes that we make. This is why I love the song, Voice of Truth, by Casting Crowns. The lyrics are so powerful.
“Boy, you’ll never win! You’ll Never win!
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, ‘Do not be afraid!’
And the voice of truth says, ‘This is for my glory!’
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
The voice of truth.”
Maybe, like Noble Doss, you have a mistake or an embarrassment that you think about often. Maybe you think you have disappointed God beyond repair. Don’t worry; even if you fear you have blown it, take heart. We all have and Jesus came for people just like us.
Also, you can purchase the cooresponding Easter sermon
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
