Relationship Advice

People struggle with relationships. I’m often asked this question: “How do I better understand and work with a difficult relationship?”

The issue is not “right or wrong,” but “getting along.”

Choose Your Battles Wisely

You can learn a lot from a relationship with a difficult person: bosses, ex-wives, adult children. One important lesson is choose your battles wisely. There are two questions to consider before engaging in any conflict. First, what am I going to gain?  

Before the Israelites crossed into the “Promised Land,” Moses set before them a choice, “to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him” or not (Deuteronomy 30:16, NIV). One path would lead to life and prosperity and the other destruction and death. In this choice, there was a lot to gain.

When my children were young, Lizzy and I brought them to church regularly. I was a leader in the children’s ministry. I led the youth group. We made it our family’s priority. We brought the neighbor kids to church too. Also, we picked up my niece and nephew and took them to church. This action resulted in the salvation of my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. At one point, my niece said to my brother-in-law, “Dad, you don’t stand a chance. We are all praying for you. You might as well start coming to church.” And, he did.  

Now, I am so glad we made the house of God our priority. I’m glad we did what was righteous in the sight of God. When the issues is life and death, the battle is worth choosing.

Most issues, however, are just don’t rise to this level, which brings me to the second question. What am I going to lose? In relationships, the issue is not “right or wrong,” but “getting along.”

Be a Peacemaker

My wife is a peacemaker. She does not like conflicts and will go out of her way to keep the peace. Me on the other hand, I like logic and order. I want to convince others of the truth of my reasoning. Sometimes, I will make my point with a sledge hammer.

The other day, Lizzy and I were using the “Maps” app to determine the best route for driving to my son’s office. She kept clicking the map see the details of the alternate routes. My voice got loud as I said, “Stop, clicking!  I want to see the difference.”  Of course, logically, I knew that the only important difference in the routes is the time difference shown on the overview screen.

Luckily, I stopped myself. Saving a few minutes is not much to gain when compared to what could have been lost if I continued the argument. Being righteous is much better than being right. If you are a person, like me, that has to be right, this may be a difficult, but important lesson to learn.

Relationship in the KJB

You won’t find the word relationships in the King James Bible and only a few times in the NIV, but we have a sure model for a God-like relationship. Let this be our prayer today, “Lord, let us have the mindset that you modeled for us!”

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.”

Matthew 5:9

Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear

Also, see How to be Happy.