Chuck Locklear
fascinating characters, impactful books and messages
Love Tank, Baby
Love Shack by the B-52’s is a great dance song for weddings. However, I suggest changing the lyrics to “love tank, that’s where it’s at.”
“The love tank is a little old place
Where we can get together
Love tank, baby, love tank
Love, baby, that’s where it’s at.”
In his book, The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Chapman uses the metaphor of the “love tank” to suggest that we need to keep our partner’s love tank full. By focusing our attention in this way, we will be alert to signs that our partner might be crying out for love, that his or her emotional love tank could be running on “empty.” Dr. Chapman’s book is written for married couples, but its concepts can apply to all of our relationships.
Words of Affirmation
The first love language that Dr. Chapman describes is Words of Affirmation. He points out that the keys here are: (1) empathy; and (2) seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. Words are more important to some than others. For example, I counseled a newly married couple, she would use words that were critical and harmful, particularly during arguments. One bad thing about doing this is that once the words are said, you can’t take them back. This is very harmful to people whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation.
The young man used words in his chosen profession. To him, words had meaning. They were lasting, permanent. Slowly, the young woman began to realize the impact of her words, and she became more careful. You can work at it and get better. This will allowed a couple to get through some rocky times.
Quality Time
The second love language, Quality Time, is about focusing attention on your partner. This is done primarily through engaging in conversation. Just some insight; this is a primary love language for Lizzy and me. Quality conversation is the main dialect of quality time. It is about listening and understanding. Listening is a skill. Do you often cut your spouse off as they are speaking? This could be detrimental if this is their love language.
For couples with busy families, it may be difficult to focus attention on each other. Lizzy and I had to work hard at this one. We had to build activities into our busy lives to allow for focused attention. For example, after the kids were in bed, we would watch movies, but leaving lots of time for interrupting questions or ideas. The movie itself was less important than the time together. Even today, we have meals together. These provide the opportunity to engage with one another in conversation, to explore what is going on in each other’s lives.
Cherish One Another
Instead of cherishing one another, we are often critical. I hope you will try something different this new year and make an effort to keep full the love tank of those you love. Try saying this as you hold her hand, “How did I get so lucky to have found you?” Or, try stroking his hair and saying, “And, how did we get such incredible children?” Love tank, baby, that’s where it’s at.
“Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians 5:1-2
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Love Languages.
Awesome Things Take Time
Great and awesome things take time. This is an important principle; one worth learning.
Many Examples
There are many examples in the Bible. We learn that Noah worked on the ark for a hundred and twenty years before the flood. I’m sure that the people around him thought that he was a crazy person. Why was he building this large boat so far away from water? It had never rained. They didn’t even know what rain was until after it started. Yet, soon after Noah had completed the ark and filled it with his family and two of every living creature, it started to rain, and it continued for 40 days and nights.
Sarah desired to have a child, but it didn’t happen until she was ninety years old. We know that she and Abraham got discouraged. God had promised them a child and a descendent, from whom all people of the earth would be blessed, but it didn’t happen right away. So, they took matters into their own hands. Sarah instructed Abraham, her husband, to sleep with one of her servants, Hagar, and she bear a son, Ishmael. This son would become the father of all Arab people. The conflict between the descendants of Ishmael and the children of Israel is still ongoing today.
In the household of Abraham, the conflict began almost immediately. Soon after Isaac was born, Sarah said to Abraham, “Send the slave girl and her son away.” At one sad point, Abraham had to kick Hagar and Ishmael out of the camp to fend for themselves in the wilderness.
“Early the next morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar. He set them on her shoulders and then sent her off with the boy. She went on her way and wandered in the Desert of Beersheba.”
—Genesis 21:14
Instant Success
Awesome things take time. In our culture, we have come to expect instant success, instant healing, instant results. We think if it doesn’t happen right now, God is absent; he is not working in our lives. This is why I love the lyrics to the song “Waymaker” by Michael W. Smith. “Even when I don’t see it, you’re working. Even when I don’t feel it, you’re working. You never stops, never stop working.”
There is a promise in Jeremiah that we should all memorize.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
—Jeremiah 29:11
God has a plan for awesome things in your life. He has a plan to prosper you, to give you hope and a future.
Joy Leaped Inside Me
I visited Rochester University this past week with two young men from church. For me, it was an amazing feeling standing with them in the lobby of the Richardson Center. God allowed me to see the hope and future that he has in store for them. Standing there together, talking with the college advisor, I saw it. Joy leaped in my heart so much so that I had to interrupt the advisor to give one of the young men a fist bump.
Even so, I know from experience that it won’t happen overnight, not even in a month or two, but it will happen. I know they will explore new things, meet new people, and God will open up doors of opportunity they can’t even imagine right now.
So, many examples, awesome things take time. Trust God to bring it to pass. I know it can be difficult, and, like Sarah, we can become discouraged, but keep your focus on his promises. Don’t give in to the sin of sex with the servant girl. God is working things out for your good; trust him. He is rarely early, but never late.
“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.
—Psalm 37:5, NKJV
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Victorious.
Gone Fishing
I was never a fan of fishing. I wanted to rename the sport “Waiting.” That is how I remember it as a child on my Uncle Ed’s boat, waiting for fish to bite. My Uncle Ed liked company on his boat, during the summer. I don’t really know why. We didn’t talk. We had to maintain silence. At the time, I thought that was so the fish did not hear our conversations. We would do this all day, with only a break for a baloney sandwich. We were “gone fishing.”
I learned only after my son, Holland, was in his mid-twenties that he was disappointed because I never took him fishing as a child. Of course, I told him that there was an important reason for this. I hated fishing and didn’t want to impose on him the same torture that I endured growing up. I have since prayed that I would be given the opportunity to redeem myself in his eyes.
A House On the Ocean
Recently, I got this chance and my fondness of fishing changed. My daughter and son-in-law rented a house on an inlet to the ocean. I traveled there to mostly help her watch her boys, but while I was there I decided to buy my grandsons fishing poles and tackle. I made them walk with me the two-mile trip to the bait store and we purchased live shrimp. At first, I had to do everything, tie the tackle, bait the hooks, cast the rods … everything.
I was busy, but the first day turned incredible when they started reeling in fish, lots of fish. Having grown up fishing on fresh water lakes, I quickly discovered a greater variety of fish than I had seen before. At one point, my grandson pulled up a large fish that looked to me like a baby shark. It had big teeth, so I cut the line and threw it back in. Only after he reeled in the second one, I Googled it and found it to be a Spanish Mackerel.
A Large Bucket Of Fish
On the fourth day, when Lizzy, my son, and son-in-law joined us, the action was the best yet. Everyone caught fish. By then the grands were casting their reels like pros. I got to fish with Holland and he even reeled in the largest Spanish Mackerel of the trip. That evening I filleted the fish and Holland cooked them on the grill. It was amazing.
A Bad Impression Of God
My purpose is not to convince anyone to become a fishermen. Some of you, however, may have a wrong impression of God, made from a bad experience, or from watching someone you thought was “supposed” to be a messenger from God. Perhaps, your impression of God is just as jaded as was my impression of fishing.
Today, if given an invitation to go fishing, I would gladly put out a sign that says, “gone fishing.” I now understand how much fun this can really be. Don’t become jaded! Jesus does not call you into a relationship of obligation and dread, but of peace and joy.
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also see, Do Not Fear, God Is On Your Side.
Get Back Up
Get back up! Repentance is a scary word, but it means humble yourself before God and he will set you on your feet. We all make mistakes: get up and back in the game.
Arrogance and pride are not good character traits.
Arrogance and pride are not good character traits. Confidence is what I wanted my own children to learn. I wanted them to be confident in God’s willingness to restore us to his favor.
Rudyard Kipling wrote a poem entitled Recessional in 1897, which includes the following admonition to the British Empire against pride:
The tumult and the shouting dies;
The captains and the kings depart.
Still stands thine ancient sacrifice,
An humble and a contrite heart.
Recessional by Rudyard Kipling
When Kipling wrote of a contrite heart as an “ancient sacrifice,” perhaps he had in mind the words of King David.
David sinned big! He committed adultery with Bathsheba, and had her husband killed, to cover his sin. David’s mistake was big, but he repented bigger. He is a model to us of what real heart-felt repentance looks like. This psalm is an agonized cry to God for forgiveness.
In Psalm 51:16, David said, “You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.” David understood that one’s heart must be given to God, that sacrifice and offerings are not enough. A deferential attitude before God is the only way back. When we come with this attitude, God delights to lift us up. When we openly acknowledge our need for him, turn from our ways, and cry out for help, God promises to hear us.
Interesting, although he sinned against Bathsheba and her husband, David makes this statement to God: “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight” (Psalm 51:4).
David’s words get to the heart of why God hates sin. Sin is against his very nature. God is holy. Man is created in God’s image, but our sin blurs the picture, like a smudge on a mirror. A broken spirit and a contrite heart invite God to remove that smudge.
When you make a mistake, ask God to remove the smudge, to set you back on your feet. The ancient sacrifice that gets us back in the game is a humble attitude before God.
“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart.”
Psalm 51:17
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
also, see Entitled.
Motivation Is Optional
You don’t need to be motivated to get going. Motivation often follows action, not the other way around.
Indeed, this was true of Jehoshaphat. I love saying that name. It is pronounced: ji-ˈhä-sə-fat.
God’s Favor
The kings of Judah and Israel all fall into one of two categories: those who did right and those who did evil in the sight of God. Jehoshaphat was a king of Judah who did what was right in the sight of God. Because of this, Jehoshaphat had God’s favor.
The favor of God did not mean that there were no challenges during Jehoshaphat’s reign. God allows challenges in the lives of his people. No one is excluded. At one point in the story, a vast army from three neighboring nations, Moab, Ammon, and Mount Seir, came against Judah. Not surprisingly, Jehoshaphat was overwhelmed by fear and gathered the people together to ask God for deliverance. He prayed, “For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”
The reply that came from the prophet of God was a promise that Christians still rely upon today, “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” However, the prophet did not stop there. He went on to say, “…take up your positions; stand firm.” If you do this, then, you will “…see the deliverance the Lord will give you.”
Don’t Wait For a Miracle
Jehoshaphat could not sit around and wait for a miracle. The prophet commanded him to “Go.” My experience is that, while God is with me, I still have to go and face my challenges, just as the prophet of God told Jehoshaphat:
“Go out and face them tomorrow and the Lord will be with you.” —2 Chronicles 20:17
Jehoshaphat did as directed. Early on the next morning, they left for the place of the battle. Regardless of his fearfulness, he assembled the people and went out to the battle. As they went, Jehoshaphat’s confidence increased to such a degree that he did something very unusual. He appointed people to sing to the Lord and praise God for the splendor of his holiness. Crazy! They sang!
Blessings Will Follow
Just as God had promised, when Jehoshaphat and his army entered the valley, the enemy had completely annihilated each other. Judah’s army took three days to sort through the dead bodies and collect the valuables, including gold, silver, and precious jewels. On the fourth day, Jehoshaphat assembled the people in the valley of Berakah, which means blessing, where they praised the Lord. To this day, the valley is called “The Valley of Blessing.”
Learn a lesson from Jehoshaphat–motivation follows action–not the other way around. You need to get going and your confidence and motivation will grow.
“…Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever.” —2 Chronicles 20:21
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Victorious Living.
Visible Faith
“All things are possible for the one who believes.” Jesus made this startling statement just before healing a boy with seizures. It was likely just as “unbelievable” then as it is now. Yet, it’s purpose is to do the opposite, that is grow our belief. Faith makes all things possible.
Visible Thinking
Jesus’ purpose was to get us to think differently about faith. Are you aware of the connection between thinking and speaking. For the last several years at school, we have been working on a project to make our students’ “thinking visible.” This is due in large part to the work of, researcher and author, Ron Ritchhart.
As educators, we’ve come to realize that we can’t see what is going on in a student’s head. We have also learned that talking is a great way to get students to engage with the learning. As a result, the learning environment has changed. When walking into a classroom or lab, rather than students sitting quietly in their chairs, you will see students talking with one another about their learning: exploring the subject, discovering new connections, integrating the learning into a new understanding of the world around them.
Wow, could this be true of faith too? Does God want us to actively engage with faith in our everyday life? I am confident that the answer is “Yes!” Faith can’t just be in our heads. We must make our thinking visible.
Speaking About Faith
How we speak about faith can provide subtle, yet profound power over our ability to grow. Language helps direct our attention and action. Language conveys messages that shape our thinking, sense of self, and connection to a group, in our case, the body of Christ. These messages affect our thinking as we are in situations when others are using the language. Hopefully, I am modeling the language of faith. But, pastors are not the only ones who use the language of faith. Teachers, parents, mentors, and others can model for us “mindfulness” as it relates to faith.
Often, when we pray, our focus is on a definitive answer we want to receive rather being open to God’s will in a given situation. The language that we use even in our prayers can cause us to be more aware, mindful, and flexible as we present our petitions to God. Language that opens the door to a bit of ambiguity has the power to keep the mind open to possibilities that we had not even considered. Our prayers should say, “God this is the situation, what might you be saying to me.” This is very different than saying, “God this is the situation, this is what I need…”
The Power of Words
As an educator, I have learned the power of conditional words to keep the mind open and flexible. The difference between using the word “might” instead of “is” may be subtle, but it opens our thinking. This is called “mindfulness.” As a Christian, I’ve learned the power of how I present my petitions to God in keeping my mind open to hearing what he wants for me, instead of me telling him what I want.
Our language helps grow our faith and faith makes all things possible. As we are mindful of the possibilities that God has for us, we will be willing to take risks and step out in faith, trusting God for little and big things. I think that is indeed what Jesus intended by making such a startling statement.
“Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”
James 2:15-17
Also, see Praise Language.
Copyright © 2020 Chuck Locklear
Learn a lesson from Prince Philip
I met Prince Philip on Netflix. I am a fan of historical fiction, and I watched every episode of The Crown. The show does not portray him as a perfect man. However, I am certain that he loved his wife. One of the best gifts a father can give to his children is to love their mother.
A Perfect Reminder
Father’s Day is a perfect reminder of this important principle. Fathers loving and treating the woman in your life with kindness and with respect is a habit. Just like any habit, the more you do it, the easier it is. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true.
It is easy to fall into a negative pattern of criticism and blame. The world is not perfect, neither is your wife. You can focus on the good things about her or the one or two things that you don’t like. I have learned the hard way that anything critical I say will be taken to heart by my wife. She values my opinion. I don’t completely understand why, but I have learned that my comments validate her value. Do I want to validate her value? Yes, I do, because I value her. She is a blessing to my life and the lives of my children.
Find Whatever Is Lovely
It is too easy to focus on the things we don’t like, the things we want to change. When we look at our partner, we see the 20% of them that we don’t like, instead of the 80% that makes us happy. We pick and pick at the parts that drive us crazy and overlook the parts that bring joy. Sadly some will leave their partner to find someone with the 20%, only too late to realize that they have lost the 80%.
I highly recommend the book, The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. It has been improving relationships for nearly 30 years. Its ideas are simple and conveyed with clarity and humor. Dr. Chapman states that “the desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup.” As we strive to fulfill that desire, we can miss some basic truths about relationships.
Dr. Chapman uses the metaphor of the “love tank.” He suggests that we need to keep our partner’s love tank full. By focusing our attention in this way, we will be alert to signs that our partner might be crying out for love, that his or her emotional love tank could be running on “empty.” Dr. Chapman’s book is written for married couples, but its concepts can apply to all of our relationships..
The Children Are Watching
One of the best gifts a father can give to his children is to love their mother. Fathers loving and treating the woman in your life with kindness and with respect is a habit. Just like any habit, the more you do it, the easier it is. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true.
Your children are paying attention to your actions and words. This is true even if you are divorced from your spouse. It is true for boys and girls. For boys, you are teaching them how to treat women. You are teaching them how to have happy, healthy relationships and lives. For girls, you are teaching them how to expect to be treated. If you mistreat their mother, they will learn that this is normal and will accept mistreatment from the men in their lives. If you love their mother, they will not choose mates that abuse and disrespect them.
Fathers, devote yourselves to the mother of your children. Whether you have been perfect in the past or not, renew the love you have for the bride of your youth. Yes, you can learn a lesson from Prince Philip.
Also, see Gracie’s Story.
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
The World Needs Kindness
Devin gave a water hose to Lakisha. Random. Yes, a true random act of kindness. Yet, Lakisha uses it to water her plants. Watering plants, something that must be done daily. Maybe not as random as it is practical. I don’t know what Devin had in his mind. “Let me give something very practical.” Or, maybe, he was responding to a prompt from the Holy Spirit. Loyal to listen to the voice of God, Devin’s random act of kindness is making a difference in someone’s life, daily.
Dina helped a homeless woman. She brought her things. Gave her handouts. This went on over a long period of time. Dina was faithful. Random. Yes, but, because of these random acts of kindness, Dina made a friend. Dina prayed that God would give her friend a safe place to live. Now, years later, Dina’s friend is reconciled with her family and lives with her sister.
God’s Favorite Words
What are God’s favorite words? Well, I’m not sure you can assign such a human trait to God, but, If God had favorite words, at the top of the list would be faithfulness and loyalty. Which reminds me of a song:
Rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
Brown paper packages tied up with strings . . .
These are a few of my favorite things.
No need to cite these lyrics. Sound of Music may be one movie that everyone has seen. This song is a reminder. Faithfulness and loyalty are not just words. They are things. They are characteristics. Where do faithfulness and loyalty fall on your list of favorite things? How important are they to you?
Loyalty, Love, Mercy, Truth
The RSV version of the Bible uses the word “loyalty” for the word “love.” The KJV using the word “mercy” for “love” and “truth” for “faithfulness.” The “truth” is all of these words are clearly related.
As Christ followers, our lives should display random acts of kindness. Often, the “random act of kindness” you think you are doing is nothing compared to the blessings you receive in return.
“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.”
Proverbs 3:3 NIV
Also see Pray Until Something Happens.
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Prosperity Is the Goal
You are king’s kids. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing. Prosperity requires a higher standards.
As a parent, this was my consistent message to my children. I had learned the importance setting clear expectations. If godliness was the goal, I was confident that they would rise to the bar I set. I wanted to require and model doing things God’s way.
Prosperity requires a higher standards.
Dependence Is Required
Jesus’s submission to the Father is the very essence of doing things God’s way. His example teaches us that a right attitude before for the Father is a requirement of godliness. When our hearts are humble, we are completely open to the Holy Spirit and recognize our dependence on God. It is a sacrifice of our pride. It is not about us; but about him. Like malleable clay in the hands of a skilled potter, the “humble in spirit” can be molded and shaped by the master.
Those who are “humble in spirit” are willing to do anything and everything that God asks of them, without resistance or resentment. Is this us? Have we stopped doing things our way and learned to do things God’s way? When we do so, the power of the Holy Spirit fills us with peace and the joy of living a life pleasing to God.
In a recent post, I wrote about the first Beatitude, “Blessed are the humble in spirit” (see Entitled). This promise is about our attitude. “For theirs is the kingdom of heaven,” is about the kingdom that the Lord, Messiah, will establish at his second coming. That is our hope, but we also understand that the kingdom is among us. Meaning, God’s blessings are for us now as well. This truth is evident in the third Beatitude, “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5).
Abundant Prosperity
This reminds me of another favorite promise from the Word of God, “The meek shall possess the land.”
I want prosperity and I want that for my children. I know that my deference to a God that is bigger than I am is the key to living a life with peace and joy. We all need to know that we are king’s kids.
“But the meek shall possess the land, and delight themselves in abundant prosperity.”
Psalm 37:11
Be Fearless
Has anyone used a whip saw? Neither have I, but my dad and his brothers did. It is a long saw with a handle on each end. I’m sure you have seen them used in movies. My Uncle Grover said, “It is all we used to cut down trees.” My Uncle worked hard all his life. He even built the beautiful house he lives in today. I’d say he is fearless.
Lumbee Indians
My ancestors, the Lumbee Indians, were different than other Native American tribes because of their early contact with Europeans. Early on, they incorporated the life styles of the English people they befriended from the first English colony in the “new world.” They spoke the King’s English; they wore English clothing; they built houses like the English.
When the English colonists arrived on Roanoke Island in 1587, they brought tools with them from England. However, to sustain themselves in the “new world,” they needed broad and narrow hoes; broad axes and pickaxes; handsaws and whipsaws; hammers, shovels, and spades; tools for boring, drilling, and chiseling wood; hatchets and grindstones; and of course, every type of nail imaginable.
Tops Or Bottoms?
They brought home building techniques from England as well. They used axes to chop and trim the trees from round to square. Then, they fit these pieces together so that they became a frame, giving shape and strength to the house. They cut trees and split the wood to make thin boards called clapboards, which they nailed together over the frame of the house. Clapboard, a word not commonly use today, is a long, flat piece of wood with edges that horizontally overlap to cover the exterior of a building. Today, many houses are covered with vinyl siding that simulates the look of a wood frame house covered in clapboards. The construction of clapboards is the most interesting part of the process. Without power equipment, how did our ancestors do this? The answer is… with a whipsaw and a lot of hard work.
The English did not invent the technology. Historians trace the technique back to the Romans. The process begins by first digging a saw pit. A log is secured over the pit. Two men, called sawyers, work the whipsaw. One sawyer gets in the hole and grabs the handle on the bottom of the saw while the other grabs the handle up on top. Guess who’s job is easier? Correct, the top sawyer’s job was to guide the cut and pull the saw back up after each pass. So, the bottom sawyer’s job was to worked with gravity and pull the saw down through the wood making the cut. Tops is definitely better!
Fearless
These days, it is easy to be discouraged. When we wake up and are faced with the “what ifs,” we need to pray to not be afraid. Do you know that “Do not fear” is written in the Bible 365 times? That is one “Do not fear” for every day of the year…a daily reminder from God to live each day without fear.
I admire my Uncle Grover for what he has accomplished in life. . . and because of the hope we share in Jesus Christ. The Apostle Paul reminds us that we have “the hope of salvation as a helmet” (1 Thessalonians 5:8). Let’s put on our helmets and act like people with hope. Let’s be fearless.
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
If you like Be Fearless, you should also read Victorious Living.
