Love Languages

My in-laws loved each other. Though it was not always obvious when you were around them. It was easier to guess that they drove each other crazy. “Carol are you smoking again?” “Leonard, why don’t you just stop that.” They never learn to speak each other’s love languages.

Paul’s instructions to the Philippians provides the key verse for a valuable lesson. It is advice that we should apply to every area of our lives, but particularly our relationships.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:8

Focus the Joy

It is too easy to focus on the things we don’t like, the things we want to change. When we look at our partner, we see the 20% of them that we don’t like, instead of the 80% that makes us happy. We pick and pick at the parts that drive us crazy and overlook the parts that bring joy. Sadly some will leave their partner to find someone with the 20%, only too late to realize that they have lost the 80%. 

I once counselled a young man. He was dating a girl, who seemed perfect for him. When I spoke with him, however, he would talk about the small traits he did not like, things that did not make her perfect. At one point, I had to stop him by asking what are the things you find attractive about her? As he listed these things, it became obvious that this was a much longer list. I encouraged him to focus on these things and not let her go. He did. They got married, had a baby girl, and now, ten years later, have a rich and wonderful live. 

Love Languages

I highly recommend the book, The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. It has been improving relationships for nearly 30 years. Its ideas are simple and conveyed with clarity and humor. Dr. Chapman states that “the desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup.” As we strive to fulfill that desire, we can miss some basic truths about relationships. What are primary and secondary languages? How do these function in our relationships? 

In this post, I describe one of the five love languages from Dr. Chapman’s book.

Public Praise

Public praise is an act of love. The psalms exhort us, again and again, to publicly praise God. Psalm 34:3 says, “O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together.” If we want to be the sons and daughters of God, we must express our love of God, but also of each other.

“If a man says, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?”

1 John 4: 20, KJV

“Liar” is a strong word. It brings with it strong emotions. Jesus used this word on purpose, to emphasize his point. We can’t please God without loving those around us. In other words, we best express our love toward God by demonstrating love to those we can see. 

Don’t wait until it is too late to cherish one another. Now that Leonard is gone, Carol misses him tremendously. Isn’t that just like life? Afterwards, she certainly realized that they had a rich and wonderful life.