Chuck Locklear
fascinating characters, impactful books and messages
Passages: 30 Something
I was first introduced to the work of Gail Sheehy in a class at Ferris State University. One assignment that I remember vividly was to create a timeline of how I would accomplish my goals over my adult life. The idea was to create a plan with the predictable life passages, described by Sheehy, playing out in the background. Looking back, it is amazing just how accurately Sheehy’s book had described what Lizzy and I have experience in life. This knowledge was also helpful to our understanding and ability to help our children navigate these changes as they entered adult life.
I described how Lizzy and I navigated the first two passages in the devotion entitled “Passages.” In this devotion, you’ll learn about the next two “life crises.”
Catch-30
Catch-30 had Lizzy and I losing patience with chasing after what should be, and we began to feel life narrowing. There were restrictions on life, which are an outgrowth of career and personal choices made in our twenties. It was time for us to get real. Catch-30 is a time of big changes and turmoil. This passage can start as early as age 28, but is usually begins closer to age 30.
It was during this crisis that Lizzy got back on the career track. Our oldest daughter went to kindergarten and Lizzy got her first permanent teaching assignment, teaching early elementary-age children. I had learned from Sheehy that women or men who permanently deferred their dream for that of their spouse’s often ended up resentful. So, I was happy to support Lizzy as she shifted to this new role.
Rooting and Extending
The next life crisis, Rooting and Extending, is a less volatile life passage. It occurs from about age 32 to age 39. At this state, life becomes more orderly and established. People buy houses, put down roots. We focus on climbing the career ladder. Our concern is with “making it.” The outside world looks at us differently as well. We are no longer seen as part of the “cool crowd.” We’ve become a member of the establishment. For me, my focus on work had me promoted to a management position. I was a “suit,” in an office with a door. I remember the day I knew that I was ready for this change. Looking around at others who I felt were less capable, I thought if they can do it, I can do it better.
Life Is Change
As a married couple, we have changed over the years as we have gone through predictable passages of life. Making the decisions necessary to navigate these life changes successfully is important for personal growth. Supporting each other’s dreams will draw you closer together. Having a conversation about shared goals is necessary as you move from one passage to another or when you are in a relationship that is getting off track.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”
John 13:34
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see part 1, Passages: Part 1.
Passages
Change is critical to every area of life. People grow and develop in predictable patterns. . . or passages.
As an undergrad in college, I was first introduced to the work of Gail Sheehy in a college class at Ferris State University. She published a book titled Passages, which describes the predictable crises that adults go though as they grow and develop.
As part of this class, an assignment was given to create a timeline of how we would accomplish our life goals over the next five years, with the idea of these life crises playing out in the background. This assignment helped me clarify the direction of my life choices.
Today, I describe the first two passages.
Pulling Up Roots
Relationships take work! They are not static, “set it and forget it” commitments. You have to invest your time and money into relationships to make them happy. To make matters worse, people keep changing and growing. . . hopefully. People go through stages or passages in life. If you are going to share a life with someone, you need to have common goals. When Liz and I first started dating, we were “Pulling Up Roots,” trying to make a life together separate from our parents. It was a challenging, yet exciting time. At one point, we were scheduled to close on a house we were buying, and, at the last minute, we pulled out of the deal. This created a lot of turmoil. Looking back, it was a good decision, because it resulted in us leaving the Detroit area and living with other young married couples in Big Rapids, Michigan, as I finished my bachelor’s degree.
Trying Twenties
While we were experiencing life in Big Rapids, we came to the next life passage, the Trying Twenties. The questions to answer during this crisis are “How do I establish myself in the adult world?” “How do I make the dream a reality.” For Lizzy and I, this time in our lives had us figuring out what and where our careers would take us. It was a time of confirming our faith. I remember attending a Jesus festival with other young couples in the woods of northern Michigan. We were Jesus Freaks.
We had established a new identify. But, it wasn’t long after that when Liz became pregnant with Whitney, our oldest daughter, and our goals together had to change. This change included moving back to the Detroit area to be close to grandparents and me taking a job that I would stay at for 14 years. Significantly, at this point in life, Lizzy deferred her career goals, as she supported me, and she stayed home to nurture our young family, which would grow to include two girls during this stage in our lives.
Empathy
Is it necessary to understand someone to empathize with them? Yes, it is in the very definition of the word.
There is no other religion whose very definition of God is love. Our Lord lowered himself to understand each one of us perfectly, giving us the right to proclaim, “Yes, Jesus Loves Me.” Jesus understands us and still loves us. This is the model we must follow. As we understand each other, we can love one another better.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Hebrews 4:15-16
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Brain Development.
Claim, Support, Question
In a world filled with fake news, reasoning with evidence is a critical skill to learn. Claim, Support, Question is another thinking routine from Project Zero at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. This routine helps learners develop thoughtful interpretations by encouraging them to reason with evidence. It starts with a claim that provides an explanation or interpretation of a topic. Then, others have the opportunities to offer evidence that supports the claim or to question what isn’t explained or new ideas that the claim raises. A question might start with, “What about…” No one gets to simply say, “I disagree.”
Powerful Witness
So, here is the topic I want you to consider: fellowship in the early church. We learn, in Acts chapter four, that members of the first church were of “one heart and one mind.” In fact no one lacked for anything, because they shared all things in common. Those that possessed lands and houses sold them and the money was used for the common good. The result was a powerful witness which spread rapidly across the globe.
My claim: “This example of fellowship is a good model for today.” Reflect on that for a moment. Then, come up with a statement of support or a question.
I’ll start with a statement offering support, using Pastor Rick Warren as my evidence:
“When we place our faith in Christ, God becomes our Father, we become his children, other believers become our brothers and sisters, and the church becomes our spiritual family.”
—Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life
Belonging
It is true that the Christian life involves more than believing; it also involves belonging. God wants us to be a part of his family, and to build deep and satisfying relationships.
Of course, true meaningful fellowship with God’s people begins in our relationship with Jesus. We must first know him and then learn how he wants us to relate to other believers as a family.
To Timothy, the Apostle Paul wrote, “I am writing these things to you… so, you will know how to live in the family of God.” The interesting thing for me is that we have to learn how to live in God’s family. We were not naturally given the knowledge and ability… probably just the opposite. Our natural tendency is to be egocentric and self-centered, thinking about our own needs and wants.
There are many questions that one could ask about the claim I offered. We were raised in a materialistic culture. Our possessions are important to us. Some have vacation houses, boats, cars, and other things they would find difficult with which to part. Here, however, is a question that you may not have considered: What about those who have grown up in a “dysfunctional” family? Unfortunately, this is a fact for many of us. We don’t have good models of how to live together. Is it possible to learn a new way of interacting?
Good News
The good news is that it is. God has given us the Holy Spirit and mentors to direct our paths. We all need to learn and work to develop good habits or routines. Why do I keep using the word “routine?” Routines are culture shapers. If you practice a routine long enough, it eventually becomes the natural or comfortable way in which to behave. It becomes a habit. It becomes a characteristic of who you are.
If one develops a habit of keeping commitments, people will say that you are faithful. It is also true of families. Teachers can attest to this truth. Over a period of a few years, we had three students from the same family at my school: two girls and one boy. They were all responsible and respectful leaders, people you can count on to get the job done. It is also true of church families. The routines and habits we develop together shape our fellowship. This becomes who we are. If our routines and habits are positive, people will be drawn to us and to Christ.
Thinking routines are important for building habits that support learning. Claim, Support, Question can help learners use evidence to support claims or to question them when the evidence suggests something different. Today, we are bombarded with claims. Survival depends on making evidence our solid foundation.
“After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions.”
—Luke 2:46
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Thinking Routines.
Don’t Be A Jerk
“What about me?” This one question will keep you from serving God and cause us to act like a jerk.
It is human nature to compare ourselves to others. “I deserve it more than she does.” “I’ve worked harder than he has.” This also lets us off the hook. “I don’t need to help them. They should help themselves.” You know the saying, “Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime.” This is a silly statement and it is not in the Bible. It is a rationalization that justifies me saying “No” to God. “No, I don’t need to give to him or her. If they only learned to fish; they could help themselves.”
I love this idea from John Pavlovitz, If God Is Love, Don’t Be a Jerk. God is love and we are children of that love. Our feelings of privilege can get in the way of doing God’s work. We are no more entitled than anyone else. If we feel we are better than others, we are just like the Pharisees in Jesus’ day. We will walk on the other side of the road when we see someone in need. Instead, we have a responsibility to hear Jesus’ voice calling us to be the Good Samaritan.
The truth is that we are our brother’s [and sister’s] keepers. Don’t be a jerk or a turkey. We all have needs. God understands this. Our cup will overflow with blessings as we serve others.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
Matthew 5:16
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Privilege?
Committed to Success
God has given us amazing smart phones as tools for connecting to him. Luckily, someone was committed to making wireless communication a success.
“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”
Proverbs 16:3
Man Was I Wrong
I remember my first cellular phone. It came in a big bag. I was a sales person at the time, which meant I did a lot of traveling and I had to take this bulking phone with me everywhere. When used, the receiver got hot, so hot that it burned your ear.
During this time, I remember hearing a reporter on the radio make a controversial statement that in a few years everyone would have their own personal communication device. I turned to Lizzy and said, “Now, who would want one of those?”
Man, was I wrong! I wish I would have bought stock in Apple right then and there.
An Example of Devotion
Lack of commitment is common in our world today. It can be very frustrating at your job, for example, when other employees don’t come to work or just quit without providing notice. Being shorthanded creates extra work for everyone.
I’m thankful that my father modeled the importance of commitment. His devotion to our family and to God was on display for all to see. He pushed through, whether it was difficult or not. That is what God expects of us, to press forward, to finish the race, to commit to being his light in our world.
Lighting My Path
The best way to be committed to God’s direction for your life is by starting our mornings with the Word of God. One of the first verses that we taught our children was Psalm 119:105.
“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”
Psalm 119:105
We need to know the Word of God if we want it to direct our lives. I’ve been surprised at how often my daily devotions have specifically addressed what I would face in the day ahead of me. Moreover, it has amazed me that words read in the morning were a light for how I should act and what I should say in the coming day.
Committed to God
Today, we all have personal communication devices, which we have come to depend on. It is amazing technology. If you want to know the answer to a question, you don’t need to travel to the library and look in an encyclopedia. Just Google it! We have the wisdom of the ages at our finger tips.
Let us use our smart phones to connect to the Word of God. If you don’t currently use a daily devotion, I have one for you. It is called Inspirational Hope and I publish it every morning. Yes, you are reading it right now. It is my prayer that God provides in it “divine inspiration.”
Be committed; try Inspirational Hope for a month. Then, let me know if God uses these words to be “a light unto your path.”
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Victorious Life.
Praise Language
Faith grows as we offer praise. There lessons that can be learned about praise. Here’s one to start with: language has a powerful effect on how we offer praise.
Learning From Educators
As an educator, I have learned that I need to carefully consider what I am praising and the reason for my praise of students. Words of praise such as “good job,” “well done,” “exactly right,” and “you got it” are not informative to the student and likely will have no impact beyond the student knowing they got an answer right. These types of comments are more evaluation than feedback. Carol Dweck, in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (2007), says, “praise is intricately connected to how students view their intelligence” (p. 34), and therefore may produce a burst of pride, but may in fact encourage a “fixed” mindset.
Dweck suggests that praise should focus on efforts and actions. Comments such as “You really worked hard on this lesson” or “I can see you have pushed yourself to learn this subject,” are “more likely to encourage ongoing learning, risk taking, and the embracing of challenge” (Ron Ritchhard, 2015, p. 81). These are the actions that we want of our students. This is true of how parents should praise their children as well. Our praise should be specific, descriptive, and informative. Informative means providing information about what they should keep doing.
Follow My Example
Let me give an example of a praise statement that follows this format. If you follow me on Facebook, you know that my granddaughter, Juliet, has started a YouTube channel. It is called Juliet’s Story Time. On this channel, she reads children’s books to her followers. When I post her stories, I always ask for viewers to leave her an encouraging comment. Recently, she read the book, “This Is My Hair.” It is a funny book and she does a “good job.” However, rather than leaving her the comment, “Good job,” let’s construct a comment together, starting with something specific: “I love the way you held the pages up to show the pictures.” Now, let’s add a little more description: “Doing this helped me follow along.” Finally, let’s make it informative: “Keep reading and growing your skills.”
Putting it all together it says, “I love the way you held the pages up to show the pictures. Doing this helped me follow along. Keep reading and growing your skills.” Yes, this is a long statement and you won’t provide praise this long every time, but you will find that the more you practice, the better you’ll get.
Learning to Praise God
How does this relate to our communication and the praises we offer to God. When we praise God, are we offering an “evaluation?” “God, you did a good job with answering my request.” Wow, think about that for a moment. Does God really need us to evaluate him? Of course not, that seems silly. Does our praise to God need to be “specific, descriptive, and informative.” Does God really need us to inform him of what he needs to continue to do? No, again, this seems silly.
What God does want us to inform him on is the thinking that is going on in our hearts. “God, when you sent the man to help jump start my car, it gave me reassurance that you truly care for me. Thank you.” Or, “God, I needed food and you sent someone to drop food off at my door. I appreciate so much your mercies that are new every morning.” These are the kinds of statements that inform God of what is in our heart. Equally important, these kinds of statements help us reflect on the things God is doing.
Yes, language has a powerful effect on how we offer praise. . . and the effectiveness of our praise. As we praise God for the specific answers to prayer, he will grow our faith.
“May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”
Psalm 19:14
Also, see Talking About Faith.
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Miraculous
I play guitar. My sister plays piano. I can remember standing in a pawn shop and asking my father to buy a guitar as a boy. Amazingly, I did learn to play that guitar… miraculous.
When my son was ten years old, I took him to guitar lessons, every Saturday, for years. He is a much better guitar player than I am. Yesterday, Lizzy and I attended a concert to hear him play. Amazing to me, my son now plays the banjo. My dad would have been over the moon to hear Holland play the banjo. There is not much Bible evidence that people in heaven can look down and see what we are doing here on earth, but the thought of it is amazing to me.
Buy a Piano
I keep using the word amazing. I think you could just as easily substitute the word miracle. God does miracles in our lives, but sometimes we overlook the miraculous around us.
My dad loved the sound of piano. He listened to the voice of God and bought a piano when my sister was young. My sister took piano lessons. When I stand in church playing guitar, with my sister playing the piano, it is miraculous.
The King’s Dream
In the book of Daniel, King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon made an incredible statement:
It is my pleasure to tell you about the miraculous signs and wonders that the Most High God has performed for me. How great are his signs, how mighty his wonders! His kingdom is an eternal kingdom; his dominion endures from generation to generation. —Daniel 4:2-3
The king had a dream that terrified him. He knew it was a message from God, so he brought the magicians, enchanters, astrologers, and diviners together, but they could not interpret the dream. Finally, he called for Daniel to interpret the dream. The king knew from past experiences that the spirit of God was in Daniel.
The dream was about a magnificent tree, which grew large and strong, with its top touching the sky, visible to the whole earth, with beautiful leaves and abundant fruit, providing food for all, giving shelter to the wild animals, and having nesting places in its branches for the birds.
The Interpretation
Then, the scary part… a messenger from heaven, called in a loud voice saying “Cut down the tree.” Daniel was greatly perplexed, and his thoughts terrified him. He said to the king, “My lord, if only the dream applied to your enemies and its meaning to your adversaries!” But, it did not. The tree was King Nebuchadnezzar.
Daniel told the king, “You will be driven away from people and will live with the wild animals; you will eat grass like the ox and be drenched with the dew of heaven. Seven times will pass by for you until you acknowledge that the Most High is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and gives them to anyone he wishes” (Daniel 4:25).
The dream was fulfilled just as Daniel had said. Nebuchadnezzar was driven away from his people and ate grass like the ox. His body was drenched with the dew of heaven until his hair grew like the feathers of an eagle and his nails like the claws of a bird. At the end of that time, Nebuchadnezzar raised his eyes toward heaven, and his sanity was restored. Then, he praised the Most High God and honored him who lives forever. Nebuchadnezzar was given a second chance and the kingdom was restored to him.
Experience the Miraculous
Perhaps, there is something that God has put in your heart. Today is your opportunity for an unexpected second chance. When you hear God’s voice speaking to you, listen. Even for something as silly as: Buy a piano.
In the tiny living room, in the house where I grew up, sits a beautiful piano. My dad listened and bought a piano. The miracle didn’t happen right away, but it did happen and my father got to witness the miraculous.
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see A Miracle Happened.
Pray Until Something Happens (PUSH)
Many years ago, I was part of the Promise Keepers movement. I remember the power and emotions of being one of 60,000 men sitting together in a stadium for the sole purpose of worshiping God. I was there with a great diversity of men: old, young, white, black, Hispanic, Native American, Baptist, and Presbyterian. You name it, we were there. I even had the great joy to attend one time with my father, at the Pontiac Silverdome. It was incredible. One of the great take-aways for me was the power of prayer, especially prayer for your family. The leaders of the movement had developed an acronym for this type of prayer: P.U.S.H. or Pray Until Something Happens.
Prayer is Blessed Work
Fathers, prayer is work. It is blessed work, but it is still work. It requires you to put forth effort and give up some of your pleasure to bring pleasure to another. Perhaps, the biggest sin of the church today is laziness. We are lazy about our prayer. God has made available to us incredible power to change our world, yet rather than pray, we complain about the condition of the world around us. Just think what would happen if men made a commitment to Pray Until Something Happens? That would be a serious force. Do we really believe that Jesus has risen from the dead? Do we believe that he is alive and hears us? If we do, it should shape our perspective when we come before God with our prayers.
Don’t Complain, Pray
Men don’t complain about your wife, your children, your job… pray. Men, pray for the children in your life. I’m not talking about a simple, generic, “now I lay me down to sleep” prayer. You need to be specific, which means you have to know what is going on in their lives. If you don’t know, ask them. Talk to them. Make it a habit to get to know what is important to them. Ask about their friends? Get to know their friends’ families. Don’t quit praying when God doesn’t answer the first time, or the second, or third time. Be persistent.
Don’t wait until your children are adults to pray for the man or woman they will marry. My daughter fell in love with her husband in fourth grade, at summer day camp. Yes, they lost contact until many years later when they met again in college. She did not even remember him. Her sister had to retrieve the diary and remind her of who he was.
Prayer works! The lesson is… pray early and often.
“And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.”
John 14:13
Also, see Persistent.
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Patience: A Secret Recipe
Patience is something at which I am not good. It is difficult to teach patience when you are not patient yourself.
Exhortation to Patience and Trust
Thankfully, I found help in Psalm 37:18, “The Lord knows the days of the blameless, and their heritage will abide forever. . .” Yes, this is a recipe for turning it around, for transforming worry into worship.
Flood Insurance
Let me illustrate with a personal story. It was 4:30 a.m. I adjusted my pillow. I turn to the left side…and back to the right. It was no use. I couldn’t sleep. My mind raced with worry. I had been working for over a month helping my son purchase a house. There had been a lot of uncertainty, but I thought it was coming together. Then, bam, he received an email from the lender saying that the underwriter would require flood insurance. Flood insurance, that would be excessively expensive. But, there had not been a flood there since that area of Detroit had been established over 100 years ago.
I got out of bed and went downstairs. As I looked through the Bible, only more discouragement. The Israelites enslaved in Egypt. The Israelites keep sinning. The prophets warn of total destruction. The city of Jerusalem is destroyed and only a remnant survived. Turmoil has been going on since the dawn of time. Life would be so much better without all of this turmoil and stress. Then, the unexpected answer came. “I got them through. I can get you through too. Don’t worry. Be patient. Trust me.”
So, I opened up the laptop and started researching flood insurance. I didn’t get back to sleep right away, but I did learn a lot. For example, I now know what a flood zone is, who makes the determination, what a 100-year flood is, how elevation is measured, Yes, there is an “app” for that, and my smart phone had one built-in.
Four-step Recipe
I started working on the part of the problem that I could do something about. Also, I began recounting the blessings that God had bestowed on me to this point. I had turned worry into worship. I had learned the secret recipe.
So, I found in Psalm 37 a secret recipe for patience and blessings:
- Don’t worry
- Trust in the Lord
- Do good
- Take delight in the Lord
What is keeping you up at night? Ask God for his help and guidance. . . and remember the Exhortation to Patience and Trust.
“Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Psalm 37:1-4
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
Also, see Prosperity is the Goal.
Blessings Require Action
Let me make it clear; you can’t sit around and wait for it. Blessings require action.
Some battles are not our’s, but this does not completely let us off the hook. We still may be required to take up our position and stand firm. There is a mythology in Christianity today that the chosen of God will not have to fight battles in this life. My experience is that this is far from true. Of the 133 miracles that I have studied in the Bible, all have required some action on the part of the recipient.
I trace this mythology and misunderstanding to a place in the land of Israel called the “Valley of Blessing.” Yes, it is a real place. On the map, it is actually called the “Valley of Beracah.” It is significant because of a king of Judah named Jehoshaphat.
Take Up Your Positions; Stand Firm
Jehoshaphat received a promise from God that Christians still rely upon today, “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” This promise is the source of our misunderstanding. It is true that the prophet said, “You will not have to fight this battle…” But, he did not stop there. He went on to say, “…take up your positions; stand firm.” They could not sit around and wait for a miracle. They were commanded to “Go.” My experience is that God is with me, but I still have to go and face my challenges.
This is what the prophet said to Jehoshaphat, “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s” (2 Chronicles 20:15). But, the prophet didn’t stop there, he said, “Tomorrow, go out and face them.” This is what God is saying to us today, “Go out and face our battles.” We can do this with confidence, knowing that he has our back.
He Fights On Our Side
Too often, Christians use this scripture as an excuse to do nothing. “It is not my battle, it’s God’s.” But, God does not take us out of the battle; he fights on our side to give us blessings!
“You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.” (2 Chronicles 20:17)
Also, see Joy of Giving.
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
