Passages: 30 Something

I was first introduced to the work of Gail Sheehy in a class at Ferris State University. One assignment that I remember vividly was to create a timeline of how I would accomplish my goals over my adult life. The idea was to create a plan with the predictable life passages, described by Sheehy, playing out in the background. Looking back, it is amazing just how accurately Sheehy’s book had described what Lizzy and I have experience in life. This knowledge was also helpful to our understanding and ability to help our children navigate these changes as they entered adult life.

I described how Lizzy and I navigated the first two passages in the devotion entitled “Passages.” In this devotion, you’ll learn about the next two “life crises.”

Catch-30

Catch-30 had Lizzy and I losing patience with chasing after what should be, and we began to feel life narrowing. There were restrictions on life, which are an outgrowth of career and personal choices made in our twenties. It was time for us to get real. Catch-30 is a time of big changes and turmoil. This passage can start as early as age 28, but is usually begins closer to age 30.

It was during this crisis that Lizzy got back on the career track. Our oldest daughter went to kindergarten and Lizzy got her first permanent teaching assignment, teaching early elementary-age children. I had learned from Sheehy that women or men who permanently deferred their dream for that of their spouse’s often ended up resentful. So, I was happy to support Lizzy as she shifted to this new role.

Rooting and Extending

The next life crisis, Rooting and Extending, is a less volatile life passage. It occurs from about age 32 to age 39. At this state, life becomes more orderly and established. People buy houses, put down roots. We focus on climbing the career ladder. Our concern is with “making it.” The outside world looks at us differently as well. We are no longer seen as part of the “cool crowd.” We’ve become a member of the establishment. For me, my focus on work had me promoted to a management position. I was a “suit,” in an office with a door. I remember the day I knew that I was ready for this change. Looking around at others who I felt were less capable, I thought if they can do it, I can do it better.

Life Is Change

As a married couple, we have changed over the years as we have gone through predictable passages of life. Making the decisions necessary to navigate these life changes successfully is important for personal growth. Supporting each other’s dreams will draw you closer together. Having a conversation about shared goals is necessary as you move from one passage to another or when you are in a relationship that is getting off track.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

John 13:34

Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear

Also, see part 1, Passages: Part 1.