Love Tank, Baby

Love Shack by the B-52’s is a great dance song for weddings. However, I suggest changing the lyrics to “love tank, that’s where it’s at.”

“The love tank is a little old place

Where we can get together

Love tank, baby, love tank 

Love, baby, that’s where it’s at.”

In his book, The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Chapman uses the metaphor of the “love tank” to suggest that we need to keep our partner’s love tank full. By focusing our attention in this way, we will be alert to signs that our partner might be crying out for love, that his or her emotional love tank could be running on “empty.” Dr. Chapman’s book is written for married couples, but its concepts can apply to all of our relationships.

Words of Affirmation

The first love language that Dr. Chapman describes is Words of Affirmation. He points out that the keys here are: (1) empathy; and (2) seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. Words are more important to some than others. For example, I counseled a newly married couple, she would use words that were critical and harmful, particularly during arguments. One bad thing about doing this is that once the words are said, you can’t take them back. This is very harmful to people whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation. 

The young man used words in his chosen profession. To him, words had meaning. They were lasting, permanent. Slowly, the young woman began to realize the impact of her words, and she became more careful. You can work at it and get better. This will allowed a couple to get through some rocky times.

Quality Time

The second love language, Quality Time, is about focusing attention on your partner. This is done primarily through engaging in conversation. Just some insight; this is a primary love language for Lizzy and me. Quality conversation is the main dialect of quality time. It is about listening and understanding. Listening is a skill. Do you often cut your spouse off as they are speaking? This could be detrimental if this is their love language. 

For couples with busy families, it may be difficult to focus attention on each other. Lizzy and I had to work hard at this one. We had to build activities into our busy lives to allow for focused attention. For example, after the kids were in bed, we would watch movies, but leaving lots of time for interrupting questions or ideas. The movie itself was less important than the time together. Even today, we have meals together. These provide the opportunity to engage with one another in conversation, to explore what is going on in each other’s lives.

Cherish One Another

Instead of cherishing one another, we are often critical. I hope you will try something different this new year and make an effort to keep full the love tank of those you love. Try saying this as you hold her hand, “How did I get so lucky to have found you?” Or, try stroking his hair and saying, “And, how did we get such incredible children?” Love tank, baby, that’s where it’s at.

“Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians 5:1-2

Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear

Also, see Love Languages.