Change is critical to every area of life. People grow and develop in predictable patterns. . . or passages.
As an undergrad in college, I was first introduced to the work of Gail Sheehy in a college class at Ferris State University. She published a book titled Passages, which describes the predictable crises that adults go though as they grow and develop.
As part of this class, an assignment was given to create a timeline of how we would accomplish our life goals over the next five years, with the idea of these life crises playing out in the background. This assignment helped me clarify the direction of my life choices.
Today, I describe the first two passages.
Pulling Up Roots
Relationships take work! They are not static, “set it and forget it” commitments. You have to invest your time and money into relationships to make them happy. To make matters worse, people keep changing and growing. . . hopefully. People go through stages or passages in life. If you are going to share a life with someone, you need to have common goals. When Liz and I first started dating, we were “Pulling Up Roots,” trying to make a life together separate from our parents. It was a challenging, yet exciting time. At one point, we were scheduled to close on a house we were buying, and, at the last minute, we pulled out of the deal. This created a lot of turmoil. Looking back, it was a good decision, because it resulted in us leaving the Detroit area and living with other young married couples in Big Rapids, Michigan, as I finished my bachelor’s degree.
Trying Twenties
While we were experiencing life in Big Rapids, we came to the next life passage, the Trying Twenties. The questions to answer during this crisis are “How do I establish myself in the adult world?” “How do I make the dream a reality.” For Lizzy and I, this time in our lives had us figuring out what and where our careers would take us. It was a time of confirming our faith. I remember attending a Jesus festival with other young couples in the woods of northern Michigan. We were Jesus Freaks.
We had established a new identify. But, it wasn’t long after that when Liz became pregnant with Whitney, our oldest daughter, and our goals together had to change. This change included moving back to the Detroit area to be close to grandparents and me taking a job that I would stay at for 14 years. Significantly, at this point in life, Lizzy deferred her career goals, as she supported me, and she stayed home to nurture our young family, which would grow to include two girls during this stage in our lives.
Empathy
Is it necessary to understand someone to empathize with them? Yes, it is in the very definition of the word.
There is no other religion whose very definition of God is love. Our Lord lowered himself to understand each one of us perfectly, giving us the right to proclaim, “Yes, Jesus Loves Me.” Jesus understands us and still loves us. This is the model we must follow. As we understand each other, we can love one another better.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Hebrews 4:15-16
Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear
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