Happily Ever After

Hallmark movies are great! The theme is about falling in love. Spring, summer, fall, and winter — each season provides a new setting for a familiar plot. A young girl leaves the big city to visit a small town. She meets a young man. There is a conflict, making them hate each other. In the end, true love wins out and they live happily ever after.  

Hallmark movies are always about one kind of love: romantic love. Is there any other kind? Yes! Though, as an English speaking people, we have a handicap in that we have only one word for love. This handicap can create confusion and misunderstanding. In Greek, there are multiple words for love. The New Testament, first written in Greek, describes three distinct categories of love and uses different words for each.

Romantic Love

First, the word eros refers to the category of love featured in Hallmark movies. It is infatuation, simply stated, physical or sexual attraction. It is a desire to be with a person continuously, morning, noon, and night. People commonly spoke the word eros at the time, but it is not found in the New Testament. However, we do see the concept of physical attraction (see Hebrews 13:4). Infatuation is strong but it doesn’t last and it fizzles out quickly. This is the kind of love most on display in romantic comedies, like Hallmark movies. Unfortunately, it is the reason that people say, “I’ve fallen out of love with you.” Infatuation is not meant to last. These people will spend their lives moving from one relationship to another. Eros is important, however, because without it we would not likely have enough babies born to keep the human race going. Young men and women, if you want “happily ever after,” you need a relationship based on love that is stronger than eros.

Brotherly Love

The second word to describe love is philos, which means warm affection or friendship. Philos is used in the New Testament to describe friendships and family relationships. This word is used in Matthew 10:37 to describe love for a father, mother, son, or daughter. Philos also describes the love of Jesus for his friend Lazarus (John 11:3) and for his disciple (John 20:2). This is also not the “happily after after” for which most people are looking.

Unconditional Love

The third word agapē describes sacrificial, unconditional love. The New Testament writers used agapē to express the highest kind of love. Agapē was not used commonly in everyday life.  Actually, prior to the New Testament, agapē did not carry special significance as a higher form of love. In the New Testament , we first understand the uniqueness of God’s love for us as expressed through the gift of his son. 

John 3:16 uses agapē to describe God’s love for us, “God so loved the world. . .” (KJV). Interestingly, the scripture most used as a reading during wedding ceremonies, 1 Corinthians 13, uses the word Agapē for love. In this chapter, the Apostle Paul illustrates agapē with some very practice examples of self-sacrificing love.

To say that agapē is the highest form of love is not trivializing the other kinds of love. I, for one, am glad that God created sexual love (eros) to be expressed between husbands and wives. I’m also happy that he created us to be connected to friends and our community with philos. It is important to affirm both romantic love and friendship love as meaningful. All love comes from God, because “God is love” (1 John 4:16). Whether that love is romantic or the bond between friends, love that is genuine comes from God. We love others best by loving him first.

Love One Another

At the last supper, Jesus gave his followers a new command “Love one another.” He went on to explain that this was how we would be distinctive from the world. . . not by our clothing or our how we wear our hair, but by our love. In this important passage, Jesus said, ”As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35, NIV). The word used for love in John is the verb form of agapē. We are to love as he loved us.

Romantic love doesn’t result in happily ever after. Only the love demonstrated by Jesus does. If we love one another with agapē love, even our partners, we will have lasting love in our lives. We won’t need to fall in love over and over again. We will love and be loved. People will see us as different. This is true love, even better than a Hallmark movie.

Copyright © 2023 Chuck Locklear

Also, see Unconditional Love.